Cool Patrol is the second track on Ninja Sex Party's sixth album, Cool Patrol. Its music video was released on October 18th, 2016.


Yo, Ninja Brian. You see that high schooler over there getting pushed around? This looks like a job for the Cool Patrol!

Hey, kid (Yo!)

You're getting picked on in school

The other boys (Huh!)

They say you just ain't cool

Well, that's bullshit (Yeah!)

We're gonna teach you to rule

Those motherfuckers ain't gonna bother you no more

We are the bad boys (Oh!)

From the tough side of town

We are the Cool Patrol (Woo!)

We'll turn your life around

Those bullies (Aw shit!)

Their ass is done for now

We're gonna show you how

So fuckin' listen, y'all, first:

You put your hands in the air and you jump off the ground

And then you take that funky butt and you shake it all around

And lightly jog in place and then crank it up to a prance

This is the Cool Patrol dance

Now put your hands in your pockets and take them right back out

Then spin around in a circle and make an animal sound (Moo!)

Then glide into the sprinkler like you're gonna water some plants

This is the Cool Patrol dance


You get all that, kid?

That wasn't actually very helpful. That just like an instructional dance.

Hell yeah.

Motherfuckin' bullies better watch their ass

You're sending all them shits a message

There's a new king in class

When they see you, they're gonna freak out and piss their pants

They are your bitches

They are your bitches because

You put your hands in the air and then stick out your rear end

And then you wiggle it real hard and you hug your closest friend

And then you wildly remove your clothes and tearaway pants

This is the Cool Patrol dance

Now rub the peanut butter on you from your head to your feet

And cover up your nudity with different cheeses and meats

Then slap a camel because this may be your only chance

This is the Cool Patrol dance

Cool break! Alright! This is cool! *Cough* Excuse me. Hey, I have an idea! Let's kick it! (Woo!)

You put your hands in the air and grab a bird from the sky

And eat it whole so that you may absorb its power of flight

Now you can also dive bomb fish because your vision's enhanced

This is the Cool Patrol dance

You're basically a superhero now so throw some cars

Then rub your magnum thighs together and set fire to Mars

Now harness all your sexy fury in a victory stance

This is the Cool Patrol dance

Your training is complete! Now go show those fuckers who's boss!

Okay! Hey, guys. Listen up. You put your hands in-

Oh god! Oh. He might- He might actually be dead.

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