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Cool Patrol is the second track on Ninja Sex Party's sixth album, Cool Patrol. Its music video was released on October 18th, 2016.


Yo, Ninja Brian. You see that high schooler over there getting pushed around? This looks like a job for the Cool Patrol!

Hey, kid (Yo!)
You're getting picked on in school
The other boys (Huh!)
They say you just ain't cool
Well, that's bullshit (Yeah!)
We're gonna teach you to rule
Those motherfuckers ain't gonna bother you no more

We are the bad boys (Oh!)
From the tough side of town
We are the Cool Patrol (Woo!)
We'll turn your life around
Those bullies (Aw shit!)
Their ass is done for now
We're gonna show you how
So fuckin' listen, y'all, first:

You put your hands in the air and you jump off the ground
And then you take that funky butt and you shake it all around
And lightly jog in place and then crank it up to a prance
This is the Cool Patrol dance

Now put your hands in your pockets and take them right back out
Then spin around in a circle and make an animal sound (Moo!)
Then glide into the sprinkler like you're gonna water some plants
This is the Cool Patrol dance


You get all that, kid?

That wasn't actually very helpful. That just like an instructional dance.

Hell yeah.

Motherfuckin' bullies better watch their ass
You're sending all them shits a message
There's a new king in class
When they see you, they're gonna freak out and piss their pants
They are your bitches
They are your bitches because

You put your hands in the air and then stick out your rear end
And then you wiggle it real hard and you hug your closest friend
And then you wildly remove your clothes and tearaway pants
This is the Cool Patrol dance

Now rub the peanut butter on you from your head to your feet
And cover up your nudity with different cheeses and meats
Then slap a camel because this may be your only chance
This is the Cool Patrol dance

Cool break! Alright! This is cool! *Cough* Excuse me. Hey, I have an idea! Let's kick it! (Woo!)

You put your hands in the air and grab a bird from the sky
And eat it whole so that you may absorb its power of flight
Now you can also dive bomb fish because your vision's enhanced
This is the Cool Patrol dance

You're basically a superhero now so throw some cars
Then rub your magnum thighs together and set fire to Mars
Now harness all your sexy fury in a victory stance
This is the Cool Patrol dance

Your training is complete! Now go show those fuckers who's boss!

Okay! Hey, guys. Listen up. You put your hands in-

Oh god! Oh. He might- He might actually be dead.

Music Video Credits[]


  • Dan Avidan as Danny Sexbang
  • Brian Wecht as Ninja Brian
  • Jacksepticeye as The Kid
  • Markiplier as Cool Patrol Leader
  • Ryan Magee as Verified Cool Patrol Member
  • Matt Watson (credited as Matt Wilson) as Unverified Cool Patrol Member
  • Jordan McQuiston as Roller Dancer
  • Diamon Walker as Roller Dancer
  • Hunter Collins as Roller Dancer
  • Zan Alda as Cow
  • Barry Kramer as Camel
  • Kaden Vu as Bully
  • Eric Radic as Bully
  • Lala Araki as Roller Lady
  • Milloux as Roller Lady
  • Lindsey Jennings as Roller Lady
  • Jordan Irby as Roller Rink Patron
  • Jeffrey Minter as Roller Rink Patron
  • Viktoria Ershova as Roller Rink Patron
  • Jonathan Sapp as Roller Rink Patron
  • Christina Correa as Roller Rink Patron
  • Kassandra Corea as Roller Rink Patron
  • Pamela Horton as Roller Rink Patron
  • Vernon Shaw as Roller Rink Patron
  • Kyle Crosby as Roller Rink Patron
  • Daniel Stonem Ali as Roller Rink Patron
  • Meredith Quail as Roller Rink Patron
  • Amy as Roller Rink Patron


  • Written by Ninja Sex Party
  • Directed by Sean Barrett
  • Edited by Sean Barrett
  • Produced by Svetlana Dekic
  • Production Supervisor: Sarah Williams
  • Director of Photography: Gordon Yould
  • Additional Post-Production: Matt Watson
  • 1st AC: Brooks Burgoon
  • 2nd AC: Jeffrey Ball
  • Steadicam Operator: Bryant Swanstrom
  • Gaffer: Seth Naugle
  • Key Grip: Conrad Wrobel
  • Media Manager: Andrew Fontanelle
  • Makeup: Taja Davis
  • Wardrobe: Lici Koch
  • NSP Costumes: Kristen Carr
  • Art Department: Kati Schwartz
  • Production Assistant: Tasha Anderson
  • Production Assistant: Rory Ross
  • Manager: Brent Lilley

External Links[]

Watch "Cool Patrol - NSP" on YouTube

Danny SexbangNinja Brian
Dan AvidanBrian Wecht
Studio Albums Original Albums NSFWStrawberries and CreamAttitude CityCool PatrolThe Prophecy
Cover Albums Under the CoversUnder the Covers, Vol. IIUnder the Covers, Vol. III
Singles "Dinosaur Laser Fight" • "FYI I Wanna F Your A" • "Next to You" • "Unicorn Wizard" • "Party of Three" • "Dragon Slayer" • "Peppermint Creams" • "Attitude City" • "Why I Cry" • "Road Trip" • "Cool Patrol" • "Eating Food in the Shower" • "Danny Don't You Know" • "Orgy for One" • "Wondering Tonight"
Music Videos "I Just Want To (Dance)" • "The Decision" • "No Reason Boner" • "The Sacred Chalice" • "If We Were Gay" • "Sex Training" • "Objects of Desire" • "You Can Do Us!" • "Manticore" • "Dinosaur Laser Fight" • "FYI I Wanna F Your A" • "NSP Theme Song" • "Three Minutes of Ecstasy" • "Next to You" • "Unicorn Wizard" • "The Ultimate Sandwich" • "Let's Get This Terrible Party Started" • "Best Friends Forever!" • "Party of Three" • "Rhinoceratops vs. Superpuma" • "Dragon Slayer" • "Attitude City" • "Why I Cry" • "Peppermint Creams" • "The Last Unicorn" • "Everybody Shut Up" • "Road Trip" • "Cookies!" • "Take On Me" • "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" • "Samurai Abstinence Patrol" • "6969" • "Cool Patrol" • "Wish You Were Here" • "Eating Food in the Shower" • "Pour Some Sugar on Me" • "Rocket Man" • "Heat of the Moment" • "Orgy for One" • "Danny Don't You Know" • "Heart Boner" • "First Date" • "Africa" • "Release the Kraken" • "In Your Eyes" • "Courtship of the Mermaid" • "Mansion Party" • "We Built This City" • "Down Under" • "The Decision Part 2: Ten Years Later" • "I Don't Know What We're Talking About" • "Thunder & Lightning" • "Wondering Tonight" • "It's Bedtime" • "Welcome to My Parents' House" • "The Mystic Crystal"