Courtship of the Mermaid is the twelfth track on Ninja Sex Party's sixth album, Cool Patrol. Its music video was released on June 24th, 2019.


Once upon a morning dawn

Ninja Brian and I happened upon

A gold pond in a forest enchanted, where we

Both gazed upon a bold sight so fair

See there, beneath the blue waterfall

A mermaid was swimming, and my heart, enthralled

Became lost in the beautiful lines of her face

Her every life movement was exquisite grace

I trembled in silence at the love of my life

Such a delicate moment, I must play this just right

"Hey, you want pizza?!" I screamed loud as shit

Then I grabbed the whole pizza, threw the fuck out of it

It soared through the air like some pizza-ass doves

Now marvel and witness the glory of love

"Here comes the pizza!"

The mermaid looked off with her hair in the breeze

While she noticed not my love letter of cheese

I don't see how I may get her soul to listen

Like sunlight she shines, like crystals she glistens

I need to dream an ingenious new scheme

So this angel shall open her heart to me

"More pizza, Brian! With onions and ham, too!

Now coat me in pizza and throw me, goddamn you!"

As choirs of angels sing out to the sky

In a cheese crust of passion my true love shall fly

"Gah! My legs! Aw, they're definitely broken! Oh no! A handsome merman has just appeared. He's brought the mermaid filet mignon, Brian. That's a clearly superior dish. Now they're boning. Wow, that was fast. Hold on, I'm gonna try to hop over and tell her I love her. Aaaahhhh! Can one of you angels fly me to a hospital please? No? Cool. Fuck you guys."

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