Girl, I'm gonna take you on a date tonight
So put on your sexy dress and meet me
In my chambers by the firelight
This night is gonna be the best of your life
Oh yeah! The mood is right
You look more beautiful than poetry can describe
By the way, do you mind if Ninja Brian joins us?
He's promised not to kill anyo- Oh, never mind
It's a party of three
It's just you and me and a psychotic ninja, every girl's dream
Don't make sudden movements
Good evening, would you like an appetiser? Dah, gah!
Haha. Oh, Brian!
Do you see what I mean?
Nothing's more romantic than a murder in the second degree
You'll be convinced
Though I'm sensing you're not totally on board with this
Was it the murder thing? Yeah, I thought it might be.
Now it's after dinner and we're out at the club
I'm grinding up against you and I'm starting to chub (Egh!)
Oh, you know, girl, we're makin' it work
While Brian goes completely fucking apeshit berserk
There were three hundred people at this club
Brian killed two ninety seven, so that leaves us with a
Party of three
If human life were a keyboard, he'd be gluing down control, alt, delete!
Don't make direct eye contact
Yo, I'm the DJ! Who wants to dance? Ugh!
Okay, Brian, we get it.
Girl, you're looking at me
Like you're feeling sick, I'll take you home and give you vitamin P
That stands for "Penis"
Nothing will come between us
Brian, lay down a tasty bridge
Damn, girl. We had such a great night
It's a shame more bystanders couldn't have survived
We're going back to my place where we're gonna make love
At the moment of completion I'll release a flock of doves
Let me lay the foundation of the state of our relations
There's gonna be temptation then sensations of vibration
Followed by the cremation of your sexual frustration
Ending in the culmination of elation consummation
There's just one thing I think I forgot to mention
Ninja Brian's gonna be there giving us his full attention
Cause nothing could be hotter than our sensual embrace
With a ninja staring at us three inches from your face
Woo! It's a party of three
Welcome to my kingdom of Slamalot, you are the new queen
Please take your throne
Together we'll rule this majestic kingdom alone
Oh, hey, Brian.
I think we all can agree
It's time for me to plough your fields and sow the seeds of a new family tree
We're young and free
Come on, baby, it's just you and me...and Ninja Brian.
- During live performances, the rap section is replaced with an instrumental break.