A lot of people don't know this, but I, Danny Sexbang, have been quietly working on the sexiest romance novel ever for the past sixteen years. I would like to share a taste of it with you now. Please enjoy this excerpt from my deeply sensual tale, "Claudia Goes to Schlongtown - Part Six: The Erectening". Ninja Brian, would you?
"I love penis," Claudia said to Jeff, seductively caressing both of her yam-yams.
"Allow me to get you some from the kitchen," Jeff said with a twinkle in his eye.
"No, not peanuts, Jeff. Those aren't the nuts I'm interested in." She grabbed him on the penisiest part of his body.
"But a peanut isn't a nut," Jeff mansplained. "It's a legume."
Whoa, Brian. What's the problem? What do you mean it's not romantic? I'm an amazing lover and I've lived through this exact scenario hundreds of times.
"I feel like we're getting off-topic, Jeff," Claudia said. "But now that you mention it, I could go for a peanut butter sandwich."
"Penis butter? I don't think I have any of that," Jeff groaned hornily.
Eat dicks, Brian. This is romantic as fuck, do not throw that piano at me again. Fine, I'll cut ahead to the end of the chapter.
Claudia and Jeff lay naked in the penis butter tub on top of the Empire State Building, their bodies entwined like two sex lampreys.
"Should we invite Ninja Brian over?" Claudia asked.
"No!" Jeff yelled. "Ninja Brian sucks, and his face is lame, and he's stupid, and his dick is so small that-
Not the piano! Ugh...my peanuts...