Ninja Sex Wiki

"Romance Novel" is the tenth track on Ninja Sex Party's sixth album, Cool Patrol.


A lot of people don't know this, but I, Danny Sexbang, have been quietly working on the sexiest romance novel ever for the past sixteen years. I would like to share a taste of it with you now. Please enjoy this excerpt from my deeply sensual tale, "Claudia Goes to Schlongtown - Part Six: The Erectening". Ninja Brian, would you?

"I love penis," Claudia said to Jeff, seductively caressing both of her yam-yams.

"Allow me to get you some from the kitchen," Jeff said with a twinkle in his eye.

"No, not peanuts, Jeff. Those aren't the nuts I'm interested in." She grabbed him on the penisiest part of his body.

"But a peanut isn't a nut," Jeff mansplained. "It's a legume."

Whoa, Brian. What's the problem? What do you mean it's not romantic? I'm an amazing lover and I've lived through this exact scenario hundreds of times.

"I feel like we're getting off-topic, Jeff," Claudia said. "But now that you mention it, I could go for a peanut butter sandwich."

"Penis butter? I don't think I have any of that," Jeff groaned hornily.

Eat dicks, Brian. This is romantic as fuck, do not throw that piano at me again. Fine, I'll cut ahead to the end of the chapter.

Claudia and Jeff lay naked in the penis butter tub on top of the Empire State Building, their bodies entwined like two sex lampreys.

"Should we invite Ninja Brian over?" Claudia asked.

"No!" Jeff yelled. "Ninja Brian sucks, and his face is lame, and he's stupid, and his dick is so small that-

Not the piano! peanuts...

Danny SexbangNinja Brian
Dan AvidanBrian Wecht
Studio Albums Original Albums NSFWStrawberries and CreamAttitude CityCool PatrolThe Prophecy
Cover Albums Under the CoversUnder the Covers, Vol. IIUnder the Covers, Vol. III
Singles "Dinosaur Laser Fight" • "FYI I Wanna F Your A" • "Next to You" • "Unicorn Wizard" • "Party of Three" • "Dragon Slayer" • "Peppermint Creams" • "Attitude City" • "Why I Cry" • "Road Trip" • "Cool Patrol" • "Eating Food in the Shower" • "Danny Don't You Know" • "Orgy for One" • "Wondering Tonight"
Music Videos "I Just Want To (Dance)" • "The Decision" • "No Reason Boner" • "The Sacred Chalice" • "If We Were Gay" • "Sex Training" • "Objects of Desire" • "You Can Do Us!" • "Manticore" • "Dinosaur Laser Fight" • "FYI I Wanna F Your A" • "NSP Theme Song" • "Three Minutes of Ecstasy" • "Next to You" • "Unicorn Wizard" • "The Ultimate Sandwich" • "Let's Get This Terrible Party Started" • "Best Friends Forever!" • "Party of Three" • "Rhinoceratops vs. Superpuma" • "Dragon Slayer" • "Attitude City" • "Why I Cry" • "Peppermint Creams" • "The Last Unicorn" • "Everybody Shut Up" • "Road Trip" • "Cookies!" • "Take On Me" • "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" • "Samurai Abstinence Patrol" • "6969" • "Cool Patrol" • "Wish You Were Here" • "Eating Food in the Shower" • "Pour Some Sugar on Me" • "Rocket Man" • "Heat of the Moment" • "Orgy for One" • "Danny Don't You Know" • "Heart Boner" • "First Date" • "Africa" • "Release the Kraken" • "In Your Eyes" • "Courtship of the Mermaid" • "Mansion Party" • "We Built This City" • "Down Under" • "The Decision Part 2: Ten Years Later" • "I Don't Know What We're Talking About" • "Thunder & Lightning" • "Wondering Tonight" • "It's Bedtime" • "Welcome to My Parents' House" • "The Mystic Crystal"