Ninja Sex Wiki

"The Ultimate Sandwich" is the twelfth track on Ninja Sex Party's second album, Strawberries and Cream. Its music video was released on March 26th, 2013, and features animations by Ross O'Donovan.


Five feet high and three feet wide
No one's ever eaten the whole thing and survived
It comes with a bucket of ranch on the side
It's the Ultimate Sandwich! (Dear God!)
The Ultimate Sandwich! (Oh shit!)

Its taste could drive a lesser man insane
Served on wheat bread made from thirty thousand separate grains
It was made by a demon in his kitchen of pain
It's the Ultimate Sandwich! (Sweet Christ!)
The Ultimate Sandwich! (Fuck yeah!)

Whoa-oh! It's a shit-ton of chicken on a dickload of ham
An explosion of clams
Whoa-oh! Top that fucker with yams!
Now just add panther, bear meat, and duck
And you've got a sandwich that I'd like to fuck

I mean eat. What?

The Ultimate Sandwich uses weapons-grade ham
To awaken your passions, make you feel like a man
It's as dense an anvil and as big as a raft
Its sun-dried tomatoes grip the sides of my shaft

Topped with man's hottest peppers on the world's coldest cuts
It's time to get sexy, no ifs, ands, or buts
As I thrust deep inside it, bacon grazes my nuts
It's the Ultimate Sandwich! (Oh tits!)
The Ultimate Sandwich! (Hot balls!)

Whoa-oh! It's a legend of lunches, the lord of buffets
I could slam it for days
Whoa-oh! It sets my patties ablaze
It's time to stuff my stuff in its stuffing
Ninja Brian, for practise I nailed your blueberry muffins

Oh, but not the one you're eating right now, Brian. All right, I fucked that muffin too. You gonna judge me? You gonna be a Judgey Jason about this? Ah! You have cleaved my entire body in half.

Music Video Credits[]




  • The instrumental music played at the beginning of the music video was later used as the basis for the Starbomb song "The Simple Plot of Final Fantasy VII"
  • Dan appears in an uncredited role as The Ultimate Sandwich
Danny SexbangNinja Brian
Dan AvidanBrian Wecht
Studio Albums Original Albums NSFWStrawberries and CreamAttitude CityCool PatrolThe ProphecyLevel Up
Cover Albums Under the CoversUnder the Covers, Vol. IIUnder the Covers, Vol. III
Singles "Dinosaur Laser Fight" • "FYI I Wanna F Your A" • "Next to You" • "Unicorn Wizard" • "Party of Three" • "Dragon Slayer" • "Peppermint Creams" • "Attitude City" • "Why I Cry" • "Road Trip" • "Cool Patrol" • "Eating Food in the Shower" • "Danny Don't You Know" • "Orgy for One" • "Wondering Tonight"
Music Videos "I Just Want To (Dance)" • "The Decision" • "No Reason Boner" • "The Sacred Chalice" • "If We Were Gay" • "Sex Training" • "Objects of Desire" • "You Can Do Us!" • "Manticore" • "Dinosaur Laser Fight" • "FYI I Wanna F Your A" • "NSP Theme Song" • "Three Minutes of Ecstasy" • "Next to You" • "Unicorn Wizard" • "The Ultimate Sandwich" • "Let's Get This Terrible Party Started" • "Best Friends Forever!" • "Party of Three" • "Rhinoceratops vs. Superpuma" • "Dragon Slayer" • "Attitude City" • "Why I Cry" • "Peppermint Creams" • "The Last Unicorn" • "Everybody Shut Up" • "Road Trip" • "Cookies!" • "Take On Me" • "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" • "Samurai Abstinence Patrol" • "6969" • "Cool Patrol" • "Wish You Were Here" • "Eating Food in the Shower" • "Pour Some Sugar on Me" • "Rocket Man" • "Heat of the Moment" • "Orgy for One" • "Danny Don't You Know" • "Heart Boner" • "First Date" • "Africa" • "Release the Kraken" • "In Your Eyes" • "Courtship of the Mermaid" • "Mansion Party" • "We Built This City" • "Down Under" • "The Decision Part 2: Ten Years Later" • "I Don't Know What We're Talking About" • "Thunder & Lightning" • "Wondering Tonight" • "It's Bedtime" • "Welcome to My Parents' House" • "The Mystic Crystal"