The Ultimate Sandwich is the twelfth track on Ninja Sex Party's second album, Strawberries and Cream. Its music video was released on March 26th, 2013, and features animations by Ross O'Donovan.


Oh! Danny, that was amazing.

I know. Now that we've had successful intercourse, it's time for the romance to begin. Ninja Brian, hand me that book of erotic fiction! This is the story of the Ultimate Sandwich.

Five feet high and three feet wide

No one's ever eaten the whole thing and survived

It comes with a bucket of ranch on the side

It's the Ultimate Sandwich! (Dear God!)

The Ultimate Sandwich! (Oh shit!)

Its taste could drive a lesser man insane

Served on wheat bread made from thirty thousand separate grains

It was made by a demon in his kitchen of pain

It's the Ultimate Sandwich! (Sweet Christ!)

The Ultimate Sandwich! (Fuck yeah!)

Whoa-oh! It's a shit-ton of chicken on a dickload of ham

An explosion of clams

Whoa-oh! Top that fucker with yams!

Now just add panther, bear meat, and duck

And you've got a sandwich that I'd like to fuck

I mean eat. What?

The Ultimate Sandwich uses weapons-grade ham

To awaken your passions, make you feel like a man

It's as dense an anvil and as big as a raft

Its sun-dried tomatoes grip the sides of my shaft

Topped with man's hottest peppers on the world's coldest cuts

It's time to get sexy, no ifs, ands, or buts

As I thrust deep inside it, bacon grazes my nuts

It's the Ultimate Sandwich! (Oh tits!)

The Ultimate Sandwich! (Hot balls!)

Whoa-oh! It's a legend of lunches, the lord of buffets

I could slam it for days

Whoa-oh! It sets my patties ablaze

It's time to stuff my stuff in its stuffing

Ninja Brian, for practise I nailed your blueberry muffins

Oh, but not the one you're eating right now, Brian. All right, I fucked that muffin too. You gonna judge me? You gonna be a Judgey Jason about this? Ah! You have cleaved my entire body in half.

Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.